


Hell House

by orphan_account



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: College AU, F/M, I broke, Ineffable Bureaucracy, M/M, Other, They still have their powers, They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), bub is an art major, clueless Gabriel smh, frat house??? Mayhaps, gabriel is VERY american, minor ineffable husbands, minor maggot husbands, other background relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-28 00:07:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21127520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: See: Babey broke and is giving you your damn college auBeelzebub originally set up this whole plan to tempt vulnerable students. And then they get paired up with an angel. How lovely.





	1. Group Projects

**Author's Note:**

> Things to note:
> 
> They somehow don’t recognize each other. All of the demons know about the whole arrangement and help tempt students. Everyone still has hella powers uwu. Gabriel is big dumbass and doesn’t recognize that they literally haven’t changed their names and somehow doesn’t ever question that there’s a bee, Dagon, Hastur and ligur all in the same frat??? Who knows, his imagination has plot armor

Gabriel didn’t much like group projects. At all. He worked best alone, the INTJ that he was. He hadn’t liked them in heaven, it wasn’t going to be any better on earth, especially not with imbecilic humans. He automatically hated any and all projects involving others, and had made that clear to his professors. And yet, here he sat, watching as his political science professor paired the class up in pinches of two. 

It was simple, really. Write an essay. That was all. A ten page essay. That wasn’t something they needed to be paired up for. It wasn’t until the professor was done writing down pairs that he explained as to why. 

He was pairing up _opposites._ He wanted them to choose something they had a differing opinion on. Gabriel scoffed quietly to himself. He was a people pleaser, he could get along with anybody. He was sure he could. __

_ _As class was dismissed, he approached the clipboard along with a swarm of other students, searching for his name. He didn’t recognize the one next to it. _Bee Teivel._ Hm. He looked around the room, looking for anyone he didn’t know. ___ _

_ _ _ _Bee had slipped out, already knowing exactly who they were being paired with. They scribbled their number down on a piece of paper, signing it Teivel, and set it on Gabriel’s desk. Then, they were behind the school for a smoke. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _They sat down on a curb, a place they knew had no cameras. They lit one up, placing it between their teeth and taking a long drag. They stayed there for a while, until they felt their phone buzz. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _‘I’m assuming this is Bee?’___ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _They rolled their eyes, snatching the phone up. _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ ‘This is Gabriel, by the way.’ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _‘no, shit. i know who I gave my number to’_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _’Oh, good. I would rather like to speak about this face to face. Is there a time you’re free?‘_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _’i’m behind the south courtyard for like 20 m  
that or 2 tomorrow morning’ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _’Two? That’s awfully late.  
I’ll see if I can find you in the courtyard.’___ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Bee stopped responding then, leaning back into the brick wall and taking another drag. They honestly expected this to go down in flames. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _As Gabriel made his way to the south courtyard, he tried to stay positive. He was sure they would be opposites, that was the whole point of the assignment. But perhaps, they would still get along. He frowned as he rounded the corner, seeing a plume of smoke. Great. Off to a great start. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Bee sure did look his opposite. Gabriel was cleanly dressed, never without some sort of jacket, only dressing in clean greys and purples. Bee was in black, head to toe. Fishnet undershirt and tights, visible under shorts and a t shirt. Their hair was messy, short. Yeah, he remembered them, now that he saw them. They had done a project on anarchy. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Bee,” he hummed pleasantly, despite the thick stench of smoke. “Nice to see you,” he greeted, sticking his hand out to shake. They didn’t take it. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Can’t say the same for you, Driscoll,” they muttered, speaking slowly and forcing their mouth to form the right shapes. They had a fairly good idea of how this kid worked. Cocky. American. Governmental. How… terrible. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Gabriel’s smile faltered. “I do apologize,” he decided, moving to hold his bag. “I’m sure you’ll understand when I say I do hope to get this assignment done quickly. Have you any topics in mind?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“You’re American, yeah?” They wondered, speaking out smoke. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Yes. I’m from New York.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“You a Democrat or..? The other one? Can’t remember what it is.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“I’m… independent, I’ll say,” he chose his words carefully. “Where are you from?” _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Beverly,” they sighed. “Not important. Not like I’m a part of a big party.” They took another long drag. “How’s about… punitive and rehabilitative justice, how do you feel about that?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“I’m in favor of rehabilitative justice, obviously,” he smiled. “Punitive justice just seems so cruel and counterproductive.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Great, so this’ll be easy.” They extinguished their cigarette on the curb, standing up. They barely met Gabriel’s chest. Now that he was in their face, he could see faint freckles that decorated their face, noting how unnaturally light their eyes were. “You need me, I’m in Hell House.” Oh. Oh no. “Just tell whoever’s at the door you’re for me, if you’re lucky, you won’t get a lick.” They left without allowing him to protest. “And lose the scarf, it’s naff.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Hell House was a notoriously rowdy mixed fraternity house a block off of campus. Gabriel, personally, lived in the dorms. And he followed all of the rules. Hell house sounded like.. well, hell. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Bee seemed to ignore his texts for days, much to his chagrin. They finally told him they were free, and to drop by. So, he grabbed his pepper spray, and began off to Hell House. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He knocked on the ebony door, straightening his coat out. He was met by a girl with ginger hair, pulled into a high ponytail, her face dusted with blue glitter. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Oi, Hastur,” she called behind her shoulder. “We got a prep at the front!” Gabriel’s hand went to his pocket where the pepper spray sat. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“H-hold on,” he chuckled uncomfortably. “I’m just here to see Bee. I’m here to see Bee. I’m in her political sciences class—“_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Their,” she muttered, opening the door. “Don’t let them flay ya alive, up there.” Up. Alright, second floor. He took a quick glance at the two others on the couch, who were basically banging in the front room. Or would be soon, he suspected. He quickly ran upstairs, looking around. The room at the end of the hall had a cracked door, music flowing out of it. That was his best bet. He moved to knock, then pushing it open just a tad. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Bee?” He asked tentatively. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Yep?” They answered, not analyzing the voice enough to not know it wasn’t Hastur bugging them about alcohol. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Oh, good,” he sighed, stepping in. The room was very… fitting. Looked to be an attic, the bare floor only housing a desk, a chest, and a bed. The walls were covered with watercolor and oil paintings. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Bee groaned, looking up. “Oh. It’s you,” they observed unenthusiastically. “I’d half hoped Dagon would scare you off.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Which one is Dagon?” He asked, standing in the corner awkwardly. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Redhead. Likes glitter.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Ah— yeah. She was scary.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Well,” they huffed, lugging a laptop out of their bag. “Let’s get this over with.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	2. Mass

“So you don’t believe in punitive justice,” Bee began, sitting on the counter. “But that detention is a good disciplinary action?” 

They were in the kitchen now, Bee munching on some absurdly sweet snacks. This was their second meeting with Gabriel. Everyone in Hell House had softened up to him. 

“Well— that’s just.. given, you know? I mean, does anyone even get detention these days?”

“What, like every wanker in this house?” They scoffed, looking over to Dagon, who was sitting back on the couch. “She got four days after biting someone,” they mused. 

“You can’t say he didn’t deserve it,” Dagon countered. “Buggar stuck a finger in my face, what did he expect?”

“You.. bit? A kid?” He asked in confusion.

“Finger clean off.”

“And you only got four days?!”

“Ah-ah,” Bee chuckled. “Don’t start defending my stance, here. Detention is Punitive. What else would counter have done to her?”

“Less than you would,” she mumbled, earning a glare from Bee. 

“Shouldn’t you be working, you useless bellend?” They snapped, furrowing their brows. 

“Am working, m’lord. I’m watching snuff.”

Bee rolled their eyes, shaking their head as they popped another candy into their mouth. “Anyways,” they sighed. “Point is, you’re being counterintuitive.”

Gabriel looked like he had just been force-fed information. He wanted to start small with leading people to faith, but this would take some effort. Scratch that, lots of effort. 

“Uh,” he stumbled over his words. “I think that’s enough banter for today, personally. It’s a Sunday after all—“

“What do you mean, sunday? You don’t have Monday classes.”

“But I do have mass,” he corrected. “You should come. It may be good for you.” Bee burst out in laughter, throwing their head back. 

“Me? Church? Man, that’s a good one,” they cackled. “Oh, man. Won’t happen, bible boy.”

Challenge accepted. 

They had a massive grin on their face, and Gabriel couldn’t help but notice, they had.. fangs. Or looked like it. 

“Go, then, don’t wanna be late for Her,” they sighed, jumping off of the counter. Gabriel cocked a brow. That sounded.. awfully correct, for a human. Didn’t most think She was a boy?

He shook his head, grabbing his messenger bag. “Back tomorrow?” He asked, looking to the two on the couch. Then the television they were watching. Bee could swear they saw him turn green when he saw— she hadn’t been lying about watching snuff. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let the door hit you on the way out,” they waved him away. Dagon glanced up at them. 

“Did he really just.. invite you to church? Like a date? To church?” She asked, picking a speck of glitter off of her dress. 

They shrugged. “I hope not. That would be bad news for him when he finds out we’re a house of Satanists banned from church grounds on four occasions.” 

Dagon shrugged, leaning back. “I’m hungry, you know. Human food can only sustain us forever.”

“Then go get your own hooker to eat, I’m not your mom,” they murmured. “Take the others with you, while you’re at it, they’ve been collecting maggots again.”

“Your maggots? And they’re still alive?” Bee merely shrugged. “Hastur likes them, and it keeps him at bay.”  
They glanced to their phone as a text buzzed through. 

‘Sure you don’t want to come to mass? There will be alcohol ; )’

“...should I just go to humor him? I can suffer for a few hours. I want to see how accurate this is, actually,” they murmured. 

“And what would you even wear?” Dagon scoffed, pressing pause on the Telly. 

“Nets and a dress, I guess. Or my suit. Probably a dress. Won’t stand out as much.” They glanced to their phone, sighing heavily. 

‘Fine, where do I meet you?’

Gabriel reminded himself that pride was a sin. But, he had just gotten a yes. And now, he was waiting at the corner of Hell House, waiting for Bee to accompany him. When they did appear, he was impressed that their dress actually was somewhat modest. He smiled widely. 

“Now, just don’t smoke or swear, and I’m sure you’ll enjoy it!” He encouraged. “Come on, it will be fun.”

“Sure,” they rolled their eyes, falling into stride beside him. “The priest hates me, by the way.”

“Oh, he’s such a lovely man, I’m sure he couldn’t.” Bee grinned, shrugging some. 

“See for yourself, I suppose,” they hummed, hesitating to step onto the property of the church. 

“Are you alright?” He asked, moving to take their hand. “C’mon, you’ll be fine,” he promised, tugging them forward. They suppressed a hiss, the consecrated ground burning their feet. It felt like they were walking on nails. 

They more or less skipped to avoid the pain, leaning into Gabriel. Satan, they regretted this already. He led them to a pew, front and center. What were the odds? They sat down, the pain disappearing as their feet left the ground. They let out a sigh, wiping a bit of cold sweat from their forehead. They were fine. This was fine. 

They dusted themselves off, looking up to the pulpit. This should be fun. The priest recognized them immediately, causing them to smirk and wave innocently. He simply glared at them, opening his bible as he began mass. 

Gabriel seemed concerned when they didn’t take communion. He would ask later— that was what they had come for, no?

They listened intently as the priest passionately described the beauty of the creation, how any angel should have been grateful to be participating in this wonderful event, how they should have immediately followed God. 

Then there was the thirty percent. He barely said anything accurate. He made it sound like they had marched down with Lucifer willingly, when really, they were forced out of heaven for thinking differently. They grit their teeth.

He continued to spout lies. That hell was a pit of fire. That heaven was good. The angels could do no harm, rubbish like that. Bee could feel their blood boiling. And then, they heard their name. 

“Beelzebub was arguably, worse than Lucifer. He was the one to execute the plan of all temptation, only to feed his master. He is the true satan, the one we should fear.”

Bee grinned. Was that how humans really thought of them? How flattering. Gabriel, however, shuddered at the name, whispering something under his breath. Bee cocked a brow. “What was that?” They asked. 

“Oh, just a quick prayer,” he sighed. “Beelzebub really is the worst of the demons. I should know..” they cocked a brow. Should he know? Did Bee already own their soul?

“Explain after,” they murmured, going silent for the rest of mass. They were off the property as soon as possible, waiting at the edge of the lawn for Gabriel. “Tell me about this whole thing with Beelzebub?” They murmured. 

Crap. Come up with something. “I— i um, summoned him. Once. And— well, uh, you know how that all goes, now I’m a devout Christian.”

“You.. didn’t,” they murmured carefully. “You’re lying. Beelzebub hasn’t been summoned since 1925.”

How the hell did they know that? “You can never know?” He waved it off. “I’ll walk you back, yeah?” He began down the block, white as sheet.


End file.
